Life is a symphony of unexpected twists and turns, a truth that Maya, a former aspiring violinist turned cognitive scientist, knows all too well. In a captivating speech, she takes us on a journey through her own life, filled with the highs of musical dreams and the lows of an unforeseen hand injury that shattered those aspirations. Yet, amidst the challenges, Maya unveils the profound insights she has gained through her experiences, offering a roadmap for navigating unexpected changes and transforming them into opportunities for growth.
Maya’s childhood was harmonized by the sweet melodies of the violin. She vividly recounts rushing home from the bus stop, eagerly practicing for hours, and embarking on early morning train rides with her mother to study at Juilliard in New York. It was a life centered around the pursuit of musical excellence. A throwback photo of eight-year-old Maya performing the violin adds a touch of nostalgia, complete with what she humorously describes as “questionable fashion choices.”
However, the tale takes a poignant turn when, at the tender age of 15, Maya experiences a devastating setback. While practicing a technically challenging passage, she inadvertently overextends her finger on a single note, resulting in a haunting popping sound. The tendons in her hand are permanently damaged, and her dream of becoming a concert violinist comes crashing down. This unexpected change, she emphasizes, is a universal experience that befalls everyone at some point in life.
Maya’s story becomes a testament to resilience as she redirects her passion into the realm of cognitive science. Over two decades, she delves into the science of human behavior, culminating in her role as the host of the podcast “A Slight Change of Plans.” The podcast becomes a platform for Maya to engage with people from diverse backgrounds, exploring the transformative power of life-altering experiences. Maya underscores the fear and aversion to change that many harbor, citing research that reveals people’s increased stress when faced with uncertainty.
In her pursuit to unravel the mysteries of change, Maya introduces three thought-provoking questions designed to guide individuals through unexpected challenges:
1. How might this change change what you’re capable of?
Inspired by the remarkable journey of Christine Ha, a chef who lost her vision due to a rare autoimmune disease, Maya encourages embracing newfound capabilities that arise from unexpected changes. Christine’s frustration peaked when, as a blind individual, she struggled to make a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yet, through persistence, she discovered a multi-sensory experience in cooking, eventually becoming the first blind contestant to win “Master Chef.” Christine’s story exemplifies the transformative potential inherent in unexpected challenges, turning perceived limitations into strengths.
Maya highlights the human tendency to underestimate the capacity for change within ourselves. Research by psychologist Dan Gilbert demonstrates our inclination to believe that our current selves are unchanging, despite acknowledging past transformations. By embracing the idea that we will be different individuals on the other side of change, Maya challenges the audience to recognize the expansive nature of personal growth.
2. How might this change change what you value?
Maya draws on the poignant experience of Florence Williams, a science journalist whose 25-year marriage unexpectedly crumbled when she discovered a heartfelt confession of love to another woman on her husband’s phone. Williams initially approached the heartbreak as a problem to solve, embarking on a year-long quest for closure through various remedies, from wilderness trips to experimental therapies. However, none proved effective.
Through her exploration, Williams discovered the liberating power of relinquishing the need for cognitive closure, the desire for clear and definitive answers. Research by psychologist Dacher Keltner supports this shift, showing that reducing the need for closure expands one’s capacity for joy and appreciation of beauty. Williams, freed from her goal-oriented mindset, found unexpected delight in the unknown, transforming her perspective on life.
Maya urges individuals to reflect on how unexpected changes might reshape their values. Williams, after her marriage imploded, transitioned from viewing life as a puzzle in need of solutions to embracing a more serendipitous path of discovery. This shift allowed her to find joy in the present moment, rather than fixating on predetermined plans. The audience is prompted to consider how changes in values can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
3. How might this change change how you define yourself?
Maya intimately shares her struggle with identity paralysis when the violin, which had long defined her, was abruptly taken away by her hand injury. This phenomenon, common when facing unexpected changes, occurs when individuals grapple with questioning who they are and what they can be. However, Maya discovered a stable anchor for her identity beyond specific pursuits.
The third question prompts individuals to reflect on how unexpected changes can redefine self-identities. Maya’s realization that she missed the emotional connection with others facilitated by music, rather than the instrument itself, led her to anchor her identity to enduring values. Instead of defining herself by roles such as a violinist, cognitive scientist, or podcaster, she now defines herself by the underlying passion for human connection and understanding. This shift in perspective encourages the audience to explore the core motivations that drive their pursuits, fostering a more profound and stable sense of self.
Maya concludes her poignant speech by revealing her current struggle with the unexpected challenge of navigating pregnancy losses and heartbreaks on the path to becoming a mother. Despite the uncertainty, she applies the three questions to guide her through this tough time, imagining a future self that embraces an expanded definition of parenthood. Her openness to change and willingness to explore new possibilities exemplify the resilience she advocates for, demonstrating that unexpected changes can be catalysts for personal evolution.
Maya’s story, intertwined with the narratives of Christine Ha and Florence Williams, serves as an inspiring testament to the transformative power embedded in life’s unexpected changes. By embracing newfound capabilities, reevaluating values, and redefining self-identities, individuals can navigate the symphony of change with grace and resilience, transforming challenges into opportunities for growth and expansion.