We’ve all been there – that intense craving for a cigarette, a calorie-packed snack, or some other unhealthy temptation. You know you shouldn’t give in, but that craving monster just keeps whispering in your ear until you feel overpowered. Maybe you’ve tried distracting yourself, talking yourself out of it, or even sheer willpower to resist. But for many, these tactics just don’t work in the long run.
What if I told you there’s a radically different approach that is proving to be incredibly effective? An approach where instead of fighting your cravings tooth and nail, you…accept them? Counterintuitive, I know. But cutting-edge research from the field of psychology is revealing that this mindset of “willingness” may hold the key to finally breaking the chains of addiction.
The idea comes from a school of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). At the core of ACT is dropping the futile struggle with difficult thoughts, feelings and sensations, and instead meeting them with openness and acceptance. By allowing cravings to simply exist without acting on them, you take away their power over you.
This is the opposite of what we’re taught from an early age – to “turn off” or distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings. But have you ever noticed that trying to ignore or suppress a craving often just makes it stronger? It’s like playing an endless tug-of-war with a “craving monster” that you can never truly overpower.
The willingness approach suggests a different path:
Drop the rope. Quit fighting the monster, and just allow that craving sensation to be present, without judging or acting on it. When you stop feeding it with resistance, you’ll often find the craving loses its oomph and even fades away on its own.
Sound too simple to be effective? Well the scientific evidence is compelling. One of the pioneers of this work is Dr. Jonathan Bricker, a researcher at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center in Seattle. His lab has conducted numerous clinical trials comparing the traditional avoidance methods to willingness for quitting smoking.
The results? In every study so far, the willingness groups had twice the quit rates of those using avoidance and distraction. Twice as many people were able to successfully become nonsmokers by making peace with their cravings rather than waging war. Dr. Bricker has seen similar positive outcomes applying willingness to weight loss and other addictive behaviors.
So how do you actually practice willingness when you’re being tormented by that dopamine-powered urge? Dr. Bricker shares some helpful exercises he uses with clients:
Noticing the craving:
Rather than running on autopilot, consciously tune into where you’re feeling the craving sensation in your body. You might even track its intensity over time in a journal. This brings the craving into your awareness.
Labeling thoughts: When you have a thought like “I need to smoke to relieve this stress,” simply precede it with “I’m having the thought that…” Then take it one step further: “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that…” This creates a subtle psychological distance between you and the thought.
Self-compassion:
Addictive behaviors often go hand-in-hand with harsh self-judgment. When you notice the negative self-talk, ask yourself “How would I treat a close friend feeling this way?” Then extend that kindness inwardly to yourself.
Crucially, willingness is not a suppression or white-knuckling through cravings. It’s making an inner choice to experience them fully while still moving towards your values and what matters most to you. That’s a key distinction – you’re not getting rid of the craving, but you are choosing to not let it run the show.
With consistent practice, the approach can become almost paradoxical. By allowing and accepting what is, you gain freedom from unhealthy patterns. As Dr. Bricker says, “The secret to self-control is giving up control.” Powerful stuff.
Of course, no one technique is a magic bullet. Beating tenacious addictions often requires a comprehensive approach targeting multiple psychological levels – beliefs, motivation, behavior change skills and more. But willingness clearly deserves a prominent place in that toolkit, with its growing body of supporting evidence.
In fact, Dr. Bricker and others are now looking at how to deliver willingness training through web-based apps and innovations that could reach millions of people struggling with unhealthy cravings and habits. Given the massive social costs of addictions like smoking and obesity, that’s an immensely exciting prospect.
So next time you feel lured by that siren song of unhealthy temptation, don’t get roped into the same old shame-and-struggle cycle. Drop the tug-of-war, and explore what it’s like to pause, observe, and make space for that craving without giving in. With practice, you may well find a profound sense of choice returning to your life. And that makes all the difference in keeping addiction at bay.