For years, the prevailing wisdom in psychology was that to change how you feel, you need to change how you think. While there is some truth to that notion, modern research is revealing something even more fundamental – that our emotions are deeply rooted in the state of our nervous system. The key to true emotional healing lies in learning to regulate our nervous system’s natural cycles of activation and relaxation.
Our autonomic nervous system has two main operating modes – the sympathetic “fight-or-flight” response that mobilizes us to deal with threats, and the parasympathetic “rest-and-digest” response that calms us down after the danger has passed. A healthy nervous system flows smoothly between these two states as needed. However, trauma, abuse, and chronic stress can disrupt this natural rhythm, leaving us stuck in a state of hyper-arousal and anxiety even when there is no immediate threat present.
When the body gets trapped in the sympathetic fight-or-flight mode, our heart rate elevates, blood pressure rises, digestion shuts down, and muscles tense up as the body prepares for battle or escape. Ideally this would be a temporary flare up followed by a return to the parasympathetic relaxation response where healing, repair, and processing can occur. But for those with unresolved trauma or severe ongoing stress, the fight-or-flight response can remain switched on indefinitely, leading to issues like PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety disorders, and depression.
The brilliant thinking brain that allows humans to plan, reason, and exercise self-control often works against our innate ability to fully process and discharge intense emotional experiences. We override the body’s natural need to shake, cry, or physically release pent-up energy and emotions. As Dr. James Gordon explains, “When you shut down one emotion…your whole emotional life gets limited.” Those raw feelings then remain trapped in the body as muscle tension and elevated stress hormones.
Fortunately, we are not powerless against this phenomenon. While thoughts and narratives do play a role, the most direct way to shift stuck emotional patterns is by physically intervening to reset the autonomic nervous system. Through practices like deep breathing, physical exercise, dance, yoga, massage, and therapies like EMDR or Somatic Experiencing, we can activate the relaxation response and release blocked emotional energy.
For example, Gordon uses a simple “shaking and dancing” exercise with trauma survivors, reporting that they often erupt into laughter or tears – the first time they have freely expressed those emotions since their ordeal. Just a few minutes of shaking out tension and stress to rhythmic music can be a profound release, sending the signal to the brain that the threat has passed and it is now safe to process emotions fully.
The amazing neuroplasticity of the brain means we can quite literally re-wire and re-train our nervous systems through repeated practice. Body-based techniques like yoga, acupuncture, and Somatic Experiencing facilitate this re-programming at a very deep level. Anecdotal evidence abounds of people experiencing profound emotional breakthroughs during physical treatments as traumas trapped in the body’s muscles and connective tissues finally get discharged.
Beyond processing past hurts and stresses, we also need to build the skill of “relaxed vigilance” – the ability to remain calm yet aware and focused amid the demands of daily life. Professions like emergency responders, police, and military must master this to avoid burnout and trauma from constant high-intensity situations. But really, it is a foundational capacity we all need to thrive in the modern world.
So how do we do this? First, we tune into our somatic experience – body sensations, muscle tension, heart rate, and breath patterns – to notice when the stress response is triggered. Then we have an arsenal of simple reset techniques like deep abdominal breathing, body scans, and controlled muscle relaxation to gently rouse the parasympathetic nervous system. With consistency, these moments of intentional self-regulation become second nature, and the baseline of calmness increases.
None of this is about blissing out or spiritual bypassing of authentic human emotions. It is about creating an inner attunement and responsiveness so that intense emotions can move through us without derailing or overwhelming us. We learn to breathe through the waves of activation when appropriate, and discharge the energy when possible. Little by little, this restores resilience, vitality, and balance to our nervous systems.
The path of healing is not merely cognitive. It is also deeply somatic and embodied. By seeing our emotions and experiences as neurophysiological patterns we can reshape, we access profound personal power. With conscious self-regulation, we train our brilliant bodies and brains to flow with life’s turbulence rather than staying perpetually stuck reacting to ancient wounds. We reclaim our natural rhythm of healing and wholeness.